i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
