My liver just broke up with me...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
