what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His hands were made for my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
