I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
