My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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