In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
