haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
