Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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