So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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