R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
