so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
