Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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