oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
