Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
