I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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