Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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