I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
