This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
