I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
