I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
