Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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