I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
