I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize