2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
