I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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