I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
