All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
