I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
