I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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