he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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