There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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