If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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