Can Purell be used as lube?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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