Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
