Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
