Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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