How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
