People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
