You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
