dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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