Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
