where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im part way to drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
