I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
