I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
