my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
