I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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