I hate your face
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
