You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
