he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
