Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
