did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
