She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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