so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
