when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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