Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
