Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
