Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
