the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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