And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
