So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
