im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
