And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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