it hurts more in the daytime
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
