My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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