conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
