he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
