Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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