I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
