Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Congratulations! We have a period
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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