we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
