I wish I could teleport
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
