but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
