I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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