So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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