In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize